And maybe with me circling the heath, mist low, dog in tow, looking mournfully at Hampstead Ponds, icy and freezing. But this is not a pity memoir. It's about meeting your person. And crazed late night Google trawls. It's about the things you wished you'd said to the person that matters then wildly over-sharing with the barista who doesn't know you at all. It's about sushi and the wrong shoes and the moments you want to shout 'cut'. It's about the silence when you are lost in space and the importance of family and parties and noise.

What a book! I personally found it to be a very hard read, as Husband and I are also struggling with his ill health, that has totally affected our outlook on life. It is a powerful read, a highly emotional account of the life changing events that have affected all members of the her family.

This Is Not a Pity Memoir

One afternoon, Abi Morgan returned home to find her longtime partner and father to their two kids collapsed on the bathroom floor. Jacob, who had been undergoing treatment for multiple sclerosis, had suddenly experienced a series of seizures and had to be put into a medically induced coma. As he slowly regained consciousness after six months, he made tentative steps to communicate with those around him, and grappled with the host of issues that had been triggered by the damage caused to his brain. But while Jacob recognized his family and friends, he didn't believe that the Abi standing in front of him—who had sat by his hospital bed, juggled care of their children, and liaised with his slew of doctors as he slipped between life and death—was in fact his Abi. Instead, he saw a woman whom he believed to be an imposter. Lest I’ve made this book sound like an unrelenting gallop through misery, I’d also like to highlight how funny and witty is it. There’s the aforementioned dinner party, with the drunk girl becoming ever drunker and more irritating. There’s Jacob and Abi’s burgeoning love story, complete with unexpected baby and fusing of cultural traditions. There are snapshots of family life - Jacob’s enthusiasm for adventure, his relationship with his children and his talent of acting. As someone who often feels alienated by cultural references in books it was also a delight to finally feel totally seen as Morgan shares her family’s love of theatre, exploring Judaism and Tim Minchin lyrics. This is, without a doubt, my best book so far of 2022 and it’s going to take some beating (not that it’s a competition). I was immediately intrigued first and foremost by the title because I love a memoir but do also often mull the boundaries inherent in writing such a piece - who is it for, what’s its function for the writer and so on. I’m also aware that Abi Morgan is a writer for stage and screen and so I was interested in how her work might translate to the stage.

In response Morgan says: ‘I am so embarrassed. I am found out. “Me,” I want to shout. “I want to read it. Me.” But I don’t.’ She met Jacob at a party. She’d always vowed not to get involved with an actor, but there he was: they collided with “absolute velocity”. By their fifth date, he’d virtually moved in. Their relationship wasn’t without its complications – their daughter was a baby when they first had counselling – but she was also certain about him, this energetic, joy-chaser of a man. Her parents (her mother is the actor Pat England, her father the theatre director Gareth Morgan) divorced when she was small, though they remained friendly, and somehow this has worked in her favour. “I’ve always felt less, rather than more, likely to separate,” she says. “Though I am curious about the legacy of divorce, for children.”A powerful, fragmented journey through brain injury. This book will especially appeal to Morgan's fans, and to those who have experienced similar journeys." - Library Journal When you think you're going to die, it becomes very clear what you need to stay alive, and you don’t need as much as you think

Similarly, she explores the title This is Not a Pity Memoir, describing a dinner party at which a drunk woman derides what she calls ‘pity memoirs’ when a young Morgan expresses an interest in adapting the late columnist Ruth Picardie’s book into a movie. It also teaches us about being grateful for the things we have and the strength of the human spirit when they are hammered with tragic situations yet still find the heart to pull through. It also gives us an appreciation for all the caretakers out there, the ones who took care of people during Covid, and the families and friends who care for their loved ones selflessly. It confronts all the fears that are unspoken, but keep carers awake at night. I got better access to NHS services as a caregiver , rather than a wife!! I’m not ashamed to admit I cried over this book, it was a challenging read, but it did help, it did provide some comfort, it hinted at hope and a strong belief, that better times are ahead, and that is what you have to believe. A powerful book.A remarkable story, certainly, and one worth reading about (if only through a couple of long magazine articles), but not a stand-out memoir for me. My husband collapsed after his first Covid 19 jab, he spent three weeks in hospital with blood clots to the brain, spine and feet. A year later, we are told, no new progress can be achieved, brutally harsh. This book gives us some insight into the journey of living with someone who has had a brain injury. There's no denying that Morgan went through a lot. Her partner of 20 years (and father of her two children), Jacob, has MS. He took an experimental drug and developed anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis that left him in a coma. When he woke up, he didn't recognize her and declared her an imposter (Capgras syndrome). In the meantime, she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent treatment.

Perhaps one reason why I loved this book so much is because it really delivered on both these counts. Morgan writes so compellingly about the worst period in her life and often employs her expertise as a screenwriter by highlighting the moments that she would cut if she was writing a film, the elements of real life that wouldn’t have made it to the screen because of their messiness or inconvenience as a plot point. On one hand, as a fellow writer, this felt a little bit like being granted a masterclass from Morgan herself but simultaneously there was a very moving element of watching the author desperately try to make sense of her life in the way she knew best. She talks within the memoir of not having been sure how to tell the story - that she considered making a play before COVID hit and made that untenable. The idiosyncratic writing had no flow and was like stream-of-consciousness, but being careful planned and edited, it didn't have the immediacy of that kind of writing. I kept on going despite the writing frustrating and even annoying me, just to get to how she dealt with her partner's thinking she was not herself but a duplicate. But when I eventually got there, through his illness, his hospitalisation, her own health issues, and everything else, there was hardly anything about it. It wasn't the main focus at all. Damp squib. If I hadn’t hammered it home by now, just to confirm: Big fan of this book. It’s moving, sad, heartwarming, unexpected, funny and clever. Plus more. If you love a pity memoir - this is one of the best I’ve ever read. Jacob doesn’t recognise Abi, he wants nothing to do with her. My husband has been left with STML, all our shared memories have gone, it’s a real conversation killer!! This novel is full of clinical details that will be so useful for Nursing and Medical staff in these situations. I fully intend to buy copies for our local teaching hospital library, to say thanks for all their skilled care of my husband.I was reading some of the book aloud to my son last night and he said,'She does go on, doesn't she?' and, about the constant repetition, sometimes the same phrase in three short lines in a row, 'is this all about filling space?' I don't think it was, I think the author, apparently a much-lauded writer though I've never heard of her (nor him, the famous actor) thinks she has a really unique way of writing, that reflects her feelings at the time of the events. In the early chapters, it does (but it isn't easy reading). I also wonder if she did it to bring rhythm to the physical text - paragraphs broken up by half a dozen three-word lines in a row which does look different. (There are several examples in 'reading notes' below). But really who knows? I was in two minds about buying this book - whilst I love Abi Morgan’s work, I thought this could only prove to be a harrowing picture of the family’s life and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on that journey with Abi and her family. But then, she’s a glorious writer, so what the hell, if anyone could make this material transformative, it’s Abi Morgan!