TOXIC appears to be the latest buzz word in our society. My understanding is that clinically diagnosed Narcissism and Toxic mean the same. Dating an asshole is different than a family member “mistreating” you or being a narcissist. I’m not suggesting,”just brush it off” if a family member is being an ass, but what ever happened to love, patience, and maybe, just maybe, there are problems on both sides that could benefit a resolution rather than running away? In these types of cases, the child most certainly had been “groomed” by a narcissistic grandmother or grandfather.

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Whenever you bring up painful moments from your childhood, the grandparent gaslights you by saying: “I don’t remember that,” or “You always exaggerate!” Wow! Completely rude and way off point! Sounds like you are a child that blames everything on your parents! As an adult you need to take responsibility for your own actions. Your giving really bad advice and being extreme It can also upset your kids. Children are typically attached to their grandparents despite their personal qualities.I have a personal experience with a grandmother overfeeding the grandchild to the point of constipation, and then denying any responsibility when confronted. Even though it happened after the child spent the weekend at grandma’s, she simply didn’t see how it was her fault.

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I am divorced and share the custody of my daughter with my ex. When I divorced my mom told me I should give up custody because I was too weak to deal with such a difficult child and it would be easier for me to give her away. Thank God I did not believe her! If a parent is hopelessly negligent (eg drug addict) or abusive to the children then it is ABSOLUTELY the place of a grandparent to bring this to the attention of authorities and work towards gaining custody, Brown, N. W. (2015). Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed: A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents & Grandparents.New Harbinger Publications. They win because they’re able to freely spread lies about you to the family and people in your home town. Don’t be scared of them, face your fears, give them the same verbal abuse, psychological abuse, as they gave you. Don’t give them the same physical abuse they give you though, I don’t want to see you arrested.Eventually, they will expose their grandchildren to the same toxicity you and your partner are so familiar with.

My Nanna - Etsy UK My Nanna - Etsy UK

As for the time of this comment, these things still happen, and I have no power to do anything about it. Yes, I know there are some very toxic grandparents out there. There are also toxic parents out there, and adult children that are toxic to their parents! Please learn not to judge or be so harsh and have a little more compassion and understanding of others. Let children enjoy their grandparents, all of which are not toxic. lol Just as they deny having made any mistakes as a parent, they will deny any lapses in judgment as a grandparent. Oh so Mum told you not to watch this show that’s rated ‘not under 10y.o.’? Who cares, come watch it with granny, that’s ok even if you’re only 6 years old”…!!! Families have a great opportunity to learn from each other and GROW in maturity. Tossing a relationship to the curb ends that opportunity and so many others within the entire extended family..What ever happened to talking something over and firmly stating boundaries?” How about family counseling?A “transgression or two may be ok but after that Grandma is toxic, cut all ties” WHAT!!!! Wouldn’t some grandchildren be concerned that the parent may reject them just like they did Grandma?!I also spoily grand kids ….but ours goes deeper our side is family ort …so highly involved grandparents from my parents when we all lived in same city…helped when i was in school and working …..daughter in laws side of the family ..only use to seeing family maybe 3 times a year ..

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Sarkis, S. M. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People – and Break Free. Da Capo Press. When I had started college, we had a kind of treasure hunt around the campus. My Nanna lived in the local area and I hadn’t seen her for almost 8 years to this point. I was now 16, but in her mind, I’d probably still be 8. As I was doing part of this exercise, I saw her with a young girl in her garden. I can’t be certain who this young girl was, but I am of the belief it was either my half-sister Sophie or my cousin’s daughter Rebecca. I stood and spoke to her for a good while. I left and I promised her I would take some time to see her. If your parent ever told you one of these gems, chances are, they won’t be much different as a grandparent.

It’s ok if you don’t approve my post, its ok if you don’t even read it, however, what do I have to say? Well… What would toxic parents under the same headings reveal? That all parents should be cut off from their children because they do these things too? Playing the victim accomplishes that while allowing them to evade any responsibility for their actions. I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nanna and grandad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.