Yearning and searching: As we process loss in this phase of grief, we may begin to look for comfort to fill the void our lovedone has left. We might do this by reliving memories through pictures and looking for signs from the person to feel connected to them. In this phase, we become very preoccupied with the person we have lost. The intricacies of anger are often simplified to the point of being incomplete. To say that we become angry because we are scared or in pain is like saying that a lamp works because the light switch is flipped on—true enough, but the underlying connection, electricity, is left out of the equation. Various techniques will help us succeed in controlling our anger, but they can’t create awareness. Only the complete recognition of the apparatus—and the foolishness and futility—of anger will organically motivate us to keep our calm. For this reason, the first several sections of this book are descriptive; they explain the psychological dynamics of anger and of human nature. The latter sections are prescriptive, offering a range of psychological tools and techniques to win the ground war. But do not underestimate the power of understanding the enemy, anger. In any anger-provoking situation, we would love to ask ourselves, Why am I really getting angry? But of course, we can’t ask the question because we aren’t thinking; we are only feeling. At that moment, nobody’s home, and this is the fatal flaw in the tradition of anger management. However, when we wholly embrace the answer to this question with every fiber of our being before the situation arises, even when we lose perspective, the truth is baked into our very nature, and a calm and controlled response becomes second nature. Lieberman is clear that anger management is not a one-phase process; one must make anger management and a goal to be anger-free every day as a number one top priority. Keeping a journal or charting your progress toward anger elimination is a way to emphasize a single incidence of behavior to an overall pattern. That is what I observed in my diaries, and so I started to seek out anger management. I like Lieberman’s recommendation to keep a diary or journal of our anger patterns that tell us how we are as a person and the triggers that set us off, making us let off steam, for most of the time, on those we care. At any given time, there are multiple forces placed upon us. We desire comfort and pleasure, the approval of our peers, and to feel good about ourselves at the end of the day. How we answer these competing demands plays a large role in the level of anger we feel.

Not limited to anger issues, this book offers good insight into controlling your reactions and approaching the world in a positive manner. There's not just philosophical expositions, but a decent amount of practical advice, such as some basic meditation exercises. Let’s face it: if anger-management techniques were effective, you wouldn’t be reading this book. These clumsy attempts to maintain calmness are usually futile and sometimes emotionally draining. The fact is, either something bothers us (causing anxiety, frustration, or anger), or it doesn’t. A state of calm is better accomplished by not becoming agitated in the first place. When we fight the urge to blow up or melt down, we fight against our own nature.While the question may seem to contradict human nature and maybe even seem like an unrealistic proposition, what makes the difference, David J. Lieberman says, is perspective. The first single-volume work to capture Freud's ideas as scientist, humanist, physician, and philosopher.

Thus, we must focus on not the ‘ego’ but the ‘soul’ of our personality. The more one lives in accord with the ‘soul’, the less he or she needs the drug of anger to make him or her feel alive. Lieberman is adamant, and I agree with him, that the moment one has perspective and empathy to see the context of another person’s reality, one can eliminate anger from one’s behavioral mechanism. It is sometimes important for us to realize that we don’t have a ‘soul’, but instead, we are a ‘soul’ and have a body. Therefore, we must feed the soul with positivity and not the ego. An essential instruction manual for anger management, but also a detailed work on how to get along with other people.”― Library Journal (starred review) The result is the feeling of shame. Lieberman writes, “Shame is our conscious, the voice of the soul that says, I am less because of my actions; it is the painful belief that our behavior makes us unworthy of love and undeserving of acceptance — and by extension, all that we love is neither safe nor secure.”

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It is often our beliefs about others behaviors and what they mean that drive our anger. We may conclude that we are not worthy of love and fear being rejected and alone. The gaping hole between reality and our contrived reality then interferes with our adjustment to the world around us. Self-acceptance can also transform our perspectives on the past, learn to forgive, live authentically and chose to respond calmly irrespective of our own or other's emotional states. The upward turn. You begin to adjust to your new life, and the intensity of the pain you feel from the loss starts to reduce. At this point in the grieving process, you may notice that you feel calmer.

Reconstruction and working through. This stage in grieving involves taking action to move forward. You begin to reconstruct your new normal, working through any issues created by the loss.

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Be aware of your surroundings. Are there certain scenarios, locations or people that trigger you? Ask yourself why these occurrences upset you. How can you be more in control? If you cannot gain more control than start to accept the situation and prepare yourself before things happen. Metaphorically speaking, typical anger-management tools are akin to weed killer: You have to keep spraying all of the time, every time, to keep weeds from sprouting up—and no matter how vigilant you are, you’ll still miss plenty, and you are left exhausted. Never Get Angry Again explains how to pull up weeds by their roots by looking at reality—ourselves, our lives, and our relationships—with optimum perspective and emotional clarity. Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation When, through our choices and life decisions, we don’t like who we have become, we often seek to escape our feelings through excessive behaviors, endless entertainment, and even abusive behaviors. Eventually, as Lieberman writes, “our willingness to endure short-term pain for long-term gain wanes.”