Guilt and shame are both emotions of self-evaluation; however, that is where the similarities end. The majority of shame researchers agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” (shame) and “I did something bad” (guilt). Shame is about who we are and guilt is about our behaviors. If I feel guilty for cheating on a test, my self-talk might sound something like “I should not have done that. That was really stupid. Cheating is not something I believe in or want to do.” If I feel shame about cheating on a test, my self-talk is more likely to sound like “I’m a liar and a cheat. I’m so stupid. I’m a bad person.” The importance of empathy: The author emphasizes the importance of empathy in reducing feelings of shame, and provides tips for developing empathy and becoming a more compassionate person. Now, hunger is an easy one, because it’s mostly physical, imagine how complex the situation becomes when you try to understand shame. In her initial research, Brené Brown interviewed over 300 people, after which she arrived at the following definition: In “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)” , bestselling author Brené Brown shows us the importance of our imperfections in building healthy relationships with others and with our own selves.

I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) - Brené Brown

This is a book that will help people, especially women, face, and deconstruct, shame and vulnerability. She challenges readers to know that we cannot change and grow when we live in shame. Shame in isolation and silence keeps us from recognizing and appreciating how important we are. We need to get ourselves to the place that we can believe that we are: Enough. Most of us feel empathy when we share some sort of painful experience with another person, and see that they get what we are talking about. I had everything planned and my daily Quora answers drafted and ready to go, but somehow, I didn’t feel like publishing them. I knew I wanted to quit publishing daily once the year was up and my gut seemed to tell me I shouldn’t wait. So I didn’t. And I can see why I struggle with shame - it's hard to even share that synopsis, knowing that nobody wants to touch messy feelings of shame in any way. That feeling? It’s shame – a complex blend of embarrassment, pain and a sense of isolation that makes you suspect your mistake somehow marks you as a mediocre or deeply fallible person.

What is a good quote from I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

This book offers information, insight and specific strategies for understanding shame and building "shame resilience." We can never become completely resistant to shame; however, we can develop the resilience we need to recognize shame, move through it constructively and grow from our experiences." pg xiv

I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Co…

I am absolutely in love with Brene Brown's brain. This book does an excellent job of defining shame (and as different from guilt, embarrassment, humiliation, and low-self-esteem). She sources where and how shame occurs and how to escape the immobilizing impact it can have on spirit and heart. It is story-filled rather than explicitly informative which makes her work accessible to most anyone.Although I love the idea of shame as a shared human experience, I remain unconvinced that this particular 'expert' is the go-to person for this topic. I could find no middle ground between her definition and my own, and therefore her 'exercises' seemed largely misguided (what is a 'shame-trigger' if shame is something we foist upon ourselves?), and her own examples incredibly shallow. This book may work for some - shared experience or not, we are all still individuals. But for those of us crafting our whips of guilt, self-doubt, and worthlessness in private... I'm afraid this book does not scratch the surface. to Brown, who has extensively researched the effects of shame and articulated Shame Resilience Theory, recognizing when you feel shame and why and talking about it is one of the most powerful things […] Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, USA: Penguin.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth

And yet, we are always reminded by society whom we need to be and what we need to do to become “adequate.” In this struggle, we learn to hide our imperfections, and hence, our true selves. Sharing our shame with someone is painful, and just sitting with someone who is sharing his or her shame story with us can be equally painful." pg 147 In the following summary, you will become more aware of it. So stay with us as we discuss this complicated feeling, its roots, and try to search for ways in which you can heal. Who Should Read “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)”? and Why? Making “reaching perfection” our life’s purpose is wrong and exhausting. Outlining an empowering new approach that dispels judgment and awakens us to the genuine acceptance of ourselves and others, I Thought It Was Just Me begins a crucial new dialogue of hope. Through potent personal narratives and examples from real women, Brown identifies and explains four key elements that allow women to transform their shame into courage, compassion and connection. Shame is a dark and sad place in which to live a life, keeping us from connecting fully to our loved ones and being the women we were meant to be. But learning how to understand shame’s influence and move through it toward full acceptance of ourselves and others takes away much of shame’s power to harm.On one occasion, while giving a presentation on critical awareness to a pharmaceutical company, the author found herself losing the interest of her audience. Rather than feeling shame or panic, she simply told them that they seemed more interested in the pizza that would follow the presentation than in her talk. By doing so, she was exercising awareness of herself.

I Thought It Was Just Me Reading Guide - Brené Brown

Brené’s first TED Talk – the Power of Vulnerability is the fourth most watched TED talk in the world (although Brené actually hasn’t watched it). Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging." And this section put a spotlight on some areas in which I need to work: "Shame often prevents us from presenting our real selves to the people around us--it sabotages our efforts to be authentic. How can we be genuine when we are desperately trying to manage and control how others perceive us? How can we be honest with people about our beliefs and, at the same time, tell them what we think they want to hear? How do we stand up for what we believe in when we are trying to make everyone around us feel comfortable so they won't get angry and put us down?" (p. 242) This is what the author refers to as critical awareness. When she spotted her audience falling asleep during a session she delivered, she explained that she knew they only had a short lunch break and that the promised pizza was most people’s main reason for coming in the first place. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections—both to our relationships and to our own sense of self. The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. Summary Points & Takeaways from I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)There are plenty of uncomfortable topics of conversation that most of us will try to steer clear of, but one subject that people particularly loathe discussing is the emotion of shame. As a result, many of us don’t have a proper understanding of what it really is. For example, this quote from a letter to Dr. Brown is one that I could have written myself: "...I learned to identify what I was feeling as shame.... I learned that I am very shame-based, that I had all of the 'symptoms' ... but never really related them to the concept of shame. It's kind of like having a lot of strange and disparate symptoms but not knowing what to attribute them to. If you don't know what the disease is, you can't treat it. When painful things happened, my face would flush, my stomach would tighten, and I would want to hide. But since the situations were all different, even though my reaction might be the same, I never could specifically identify the emotion I was feeling. So I never really could deal with it. ..." (p. 122) and how shame is so connected to the choices I made around drinking…I’m ready for Shame Resilience. (Future […]