The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven

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You've probably heard by now that Danish people are the happiest people on Earth. This starts in childhood. With this book, you'll learn how time together, calm discipline, and strict boundaries make for the happiest and most confident people in the world. If a kindergarten-aged child doesn't want to go to school and expresses their emotions with yelling and crying, the gentle parenting response would not be to dismiss their reaction. Instead, you would comment on your child's reaction and validate them. The goal would be to communicate understanding in an effort to help your child regulate their emotions, calm down, and get ready for school.

If your toddler spills their milk, the gentle parenting response won't be to scold their carelessness or respond with words of frustration. Instead, your child could be required to help clean up their mess, with your assistance. That helps your child understand natural consequences, and also that they bear responsibility for their actions.

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In other words, this strategy works only if it is establishing healthy, predictable family rhythms that both you and your child feel comfortable with. Gentle parenting is a form of positive parenting that emphasizes understanding a child’s behavior through empathy and respect, giving choices versus commands, and responding in a way that considers a child’s intellectual and developmental levels," explains Dan Peters, PhD, a psychologist and host of the Parent Footprint podcast. Gentle parenting does have some potential pitfalls, especially if the strategy is not applied consistently. Gentle parenting also can't be used as an excuse for nonconfrontational parents to avoid setting any rules or boundaries with your child. The technique isn't to never discipline your child at all. The idea is to discipline them differently. Perhaps it happens at the beach, when you're screaming into the wind and sand for your child to stay close to you. They seem content to scurry away, pretending that they have never seen you before. You wonder how you can keep them safe when they aren't even listening to you.

Adults who have empathy and care for other people are a gift to the whole world. Gentle parenting is a way you can start to instill those value in your children. It also fosters independence, self-confidence, and many other virtues. Gentle parenting is supposed to be a strategy that you can use throughout your time as a parent. Starting when your children are young is the easiest way to set boundaries and establish the expectation of natural consequences. Admittedly this book is more aspirational than most, but that’s kind of what’s so brilliant about it. Yes, it’s a gentle parenting book, but the author’s subtle humor helps you navigate the highs and lows of parenting with purpose in a way that just makes sense. The principles behind gentle parenting have a lot in common with what's known as "authoritative" and "positive" parenting, says Peters. "Positive communication, collaborative relationships, empathy, and respect result in adults who feel confident, communicate effectively, have emotional awareness, and have positive social skills and relationships," he says. It could even be a moment that happens in your therapist's office, when it dawns on you that you'll do anything to raise your children in a safer, calmer, happier home than the one you grew up in.

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That all sounds wonderful, in theory. But does gentle parenting actually work? We asked a parenting expert for the pros and cons of this approach. What is gentle parenting? How can you use gentler parenting techniques to ensure you're setting your children up for success later in life? Enter Scaffold Parenting.