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No wonder so many of us have trouble figuring out what’s best for us to do. But you can find the clarity you’re looking for if you want to. And I believe you do want to, and that you have everything it takes to see what’s best for you. I’d like to thank all the readers of my previous book for their incredible support. It means so much to me. I’d like to particularly thank the countless numbers of people who called and wrote just to tell me how much that book helped them. I want to thank my daughters, Rachel and Hannah, who cared so much about this project and who expressed their love and intelligence by letting me feel the full weight of every constructive criticism they could think of. These then are the four mechanisms that make people feel it’s just too hard to get their needs met:
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum - Waterstones Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum -
You have to treat feelings carefully. They’re real and important but they can also be complicated and misleading.” Few have written with such common sense and clarity about how to come out of the trap of ambivalence in marriage. I’ve recommended the book to colleagues and clients.”—Cloé Madanes, co-founder, The Family Therapy Institute Kirshenbaum’s expertise allows her to pinpoint the pertinent questions…. And threaded through the book, which is written in a sympathetic, chatty, accessible style, are validating anecdotes that dramatize how other people have experienced and responded to the same problems the reader is going through.”— Publishers Weekly Our research involved talking to people in the same situation you’re in. They were asked about their ambivalent feelings and their partners’ positives and negatives. They were followed over time, during which many tried to solve their problems (and many were successful) and many ended their relationships.
Diagnostic question #33. When the subject of intimacy comes up between you and your partner, is there generally a battle over what intimacy is and how to get it?
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - Penguin Random House Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - Penguin Random House
Diagnostic question #36. If all the problems in your relationship were magically solved today, would you still feel ambivalent about whether to stay or leave? Diagnostic question #21. In spite of all the ways you’re different, would you say that deep down or in some respect that’s important to you your partner is someone just like you in a way you feel good about? Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue healthy dating limits that can lead to a happy marriage. That’s when it hit her, clear as day, once and for all, that his selfishness was undeniable and bottomless, that for her the relationship was over, that there was nothing here for her, and that she’d be better off getting out. And she did. And she’s never regretted it for a moment. A powerful self-help resource for anyone caught in a web of relationship distress… Excellent.”—Christopher L. Hayes, author of Our Turn: Women Who Triumph in the Face of DivorceNo fairy dust here, but a real chance for healing what Kirshenbaum calls ‘the pain and waste of relationship ambivalence.’”
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum - Sam Thomas Davies Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum - Sam
But I also can’t meet my responsibility to you if I fail to probe for the experiences that link people. That’s the power that research and clinical practice give, not just mine but that of countless others, particularly Dr. Charles Foster, whose shoulders this book stands on. Your relationship is too bad to stay in as long as your answer to any question produced a guideline that said that most people who gave that answer were happy they left and unhappy they stayed.” Can you believe forty years? That’s how long another woman, Kate, spent neither being in her marriage nor leaving it but miserably camped on the outskirts of it, waiting for a sign to tell her what to do.Diagnostic question #30. Is it likely that, if you have a reasonable need, you and your partner will be able to work out a way for you to get it met without too painful a struggle? Kirshenbaum’s expertise allows her to pinpoint the pertinent questions.... And threaded through the book, which is written in a sympathetic, chatty, accessible style, are validating anecdotes that dramatize how other people have experienced and responded to the same problems the reader is going through.”
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help
Diagnostic question #4. If God or some omniscient being said it was okay to leave, would you feel tremendously relieved and have a strong sense that finally, you could end your relationship?Is having custody more likely, and have you thought through what it’s like to parent kids on your own?
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