I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"

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An affirming, revealing examination of the painful effects of shame—with new, powerful strategies that promise to transform a woman’s ability to love, parent, work, and build relationships.

I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) - Brené Brown

Brené Brown is a bestselling author and a research professor at the University of Houston. Her TEDXHouston Talk is one of the videos with the highest number of views on TED.com. “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary” We put so much of our time and energy into making sure that we meet everyone’s expectations and into caring about what other people think of us that we are often left feeling angry, resentful, and fearful.”

Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Women often experience shame when they are entangled in a web of layered, conflicting and competing social-community expectations. Shame creates feelings of fear, blame and disconnect.” (p.29) . This said, I've never met anyone who didn't experience shame at one time or another. I've met some people who seem to play life safely to avoid shame, but find it anyway. To be able to overcome shame, you must first understand what causes it, regardless of how it manifests itself. Now is the time to emphasize the fact that there are no universal sources of shame. Everyone associates the sensation with his or her own terrible past experiences. There are plenty of uncomfortable topics of conversation that most of us will try to steer clear of, but one subject that people particularly loathe discussing is the emotion of shame. As a result, many of us don’t have a proper understanding of what it really is.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary - 12min Blog I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary - 12min Blog

Part of her work in psychology has been to define what shame is. Brown writes everyone has different triggers based on unique childhood and adult experiences. Therefore, it is impossible to name universal shame triggers which can make it difficult to study shame. This is a prime example of how perfection is a shame-producing lie. Just take Alex, the iconic 1980s character played by Jennifer Beals in the movie Flashdance. In the famous dance audition scene, Alex nails an incredible number that combines ballet and breakdance. But in reality, the scene is a combination of Jennifer Beals’ face, a professional ballet dancer, a top gymnast and even a male breakdancer. This is a summary review of I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) containing key details about the book. What is I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) About? I'm in two minds about this audiobook. First of all of I am a big fan of Brown, so it was a little disappointing to start listening and realise that someone else was reading it (she was great... I just found that I really enjoyed listening to the passion in Browns voice, she almost becomes a friend through her books in a weird way).

This book, for me, was like how it is in college when you take your first class in psych and suddenly you see psychosis everywhere. I see shame and shaming everywhere now - in how people comment on the internet, talk about politics, treat kids, work together, tell stories about themselves... It really does pervade everything.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME (BUT IT ISN’T): MAKING THE JOURNEY

Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.” Brown, B. (2007). I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”. New York, USA: Penguin. And I can see why I struggle with shame - it's hard to even share that synopsis, knowing that nobody wants to touch messy feelings of shame in any way. As such, to deal with shame, you first need to recognize it. Through her research, the author found that the people who could notice and precisely describe their shame were much better at handling it. It’s primarily a little step toward assisting you in recognizing when you’re ashamed. The key to altering your reaction to a circumstance is to see yourself from the outside at any given time.We put so much of our time and energy into making sure that we meet everyone’s expectations and into caring about what other people think of us, that we are often left feeling angry, resentful and fearful.” I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections—both to our relationships and to our own sense of self. The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. Summary Points & Takeaways from I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame by Brené Brown Courage gives us a voice and compassion gives us an ear. Without both, there is no opportunity for empathy and connection.” I've read and heard Ms Brown speak on this topic often. The core of what I've learned about shame comes when someone personalized they're bad for what has occurred verses this was an action of the individual or someone else that impacts the recipients interpretation.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth

I forget what other book or talk I’d first heard this. For me, someone who doesn't personalize what's happened. I think this made recognizing personal shame a little tougher if at all. Our culture teaches us about shame—it dictates what is acceptable and what is not. We weren’t born craving perfect bodies. We weren’t born afraid to tell our stories. We weren’t born with a fear of getting too old to feel valuable. We weren’t born with a Pottery Barn catalog in one hand and heartbreaking debt in the other. Shame comes from outside of us—from the messages and expectations of our culture. What comes from the inside of us is a very human need to belong, to relate.” Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging." Brené calls this critical awareness. For example when she noticed her audience dose off during a talk she gave, she said she knew they only had a short lunch break and that the promised pizza was most peoples’ major incentive to be there in the first place. Thus, she prevented going into shame mode and kept her cool. As a result, she avoided going into shame mode and maintained her composure. You can observe why and how things happen as they happen if you have critical awareness. Before shame takes control and freezes your thinking.and how shame is so connected to the choices I made around drinking…I’m ready for Shame Resilience. (Future […] This book didn't make me feel less alone. It did make me realize, though, that to have true empathy with someone you need to realize you aren't there to fix or better them. You're there to listen, and hear what they are ashamed of, and help them with that. And recognize the same feelings (for whatever reasons you have) in yourself. The role of self-compassion: Brown argues that self-compassion is critical for overcoming shame, and provides tips for cultivating self-compassion and learning to treat oneself with kindness and understanding.