Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again

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by Lysa TerKeurst | Oct 14, 2020 | Blog, Forgiving What You Can't ForgetDo you ever feel like relationships are amazing … until they’re not? I understand this frustration. Because the more deeply we are invested in someone, the more their choices affect us — emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. So how do we... When “forgetting” what has been forgiven is challenging, learning from the experience may help some people cope if they encounter that behavior in the future. Find perspective. This may require putting some distance between you and someone else, talking with a friend or family member, or even seeking counseling. Identify and articulate the things you’d like to forgive. Too often, hurts and offenses get intertwined and knotted up. They may not even come from the same source. To start the process, try to be specific about what you’d like to forgive.

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget | Lysa TerKeurst Forgiving What You Can’t Forget | Lysa TerKeurst

decisional forgiveness: making a conscious decision to let go of hurt feelings, such as anger and resentment, putting them in the past, and moving forward free of the effects those feelings can bring

by Lysa TerKeurst | Sep 28, 2020 | Blog, Forgiving What You Can't ForgetDo you ever find yourself replaying and reliving the details of the deep hurt in your life? I understand. I’ve been there. And whether you’ve experienced pain through an event or a collection of hurt that built over time because someone wasn’t who they were... by Lysa TerKeurst | Jan 7, 2021 | Blog, Forgiving What You Can't ForgetTo the girl whose hurt cannot be undone… Forgiving can seem impossible when the other person has not just affected a season of our life but affected us deeply every day since. Unchangeable wounds feel so very unforgivable. I agree; the person who hurt you should... Forgiving and forgetting” implies that you’ve moved on and no longer think about the offensive act. But forgiving an offense can be hard to do. But no one said that forgiveness was easy. It may be extremely hard. Forgiveness may be as much for you as it is for the person to whom you’re granting it. If you don’t forget, can you really forgive? It can be difficult to truly forgive someone when you know how they’ve hurt you.

FORGIVING WHAT YOU CAN’T FORGET - Lutheran Church of Hope FORGIVING WHAT YOU CAN’T FORGET - Lutheran Church of Hope

If you’re still having trouble forgiving, especially when you can’t forget, there may be some good reasons to continue trying.

If you want help, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance. They can help you with the next steps and provide you with tools to cope with your circumstances. Toussaint L, et al. (2016). Forgiveness, stress, and health: A 5-week dynamic parallel process study. Noreen S. (2021). Moving on or deciding to let go? A pathway exploring the relationship between emotional and decisional forgiveness and intentional forgetting. Experts in this study suggest that emotional forgiveness can lead to higher levels of forgetting than decisional forgiveness or no forgiveness.

F O R G I V I N G - Identity Digital F O R G I V I N G - Identity Digital

Forgiving is critical for our emotional well-being. By refusing to forgive someone, you may be holding on to all the anger and pain that their actions might have created. This can take an emotional and physical toll. According to a 2016 study, practicing forgiveness might help reduce stress, anxiety, and the likelihood of depression. Forgiving strengthens relationships. All relationships have the potential to deepen and thrive because of what occurred. A 2011 study suggests that forgiving your partner may be crucial to maintaining a healthy romantic relationship. Forgiving may encourage you to become more committed to not allowing divisive and hurtful conflicts to occur in the future. The concept of “forgive and forget” can be a complex and delicate topic to discuss, particularly for survivors of abuse or trauma.A 2011 study suggests that forgiveness may give the person permission to continue the offense. In some cases, people who hurt others can manipulate the forgiveness process. Sounds good, but can you really do that — forgive an offense and then forget about it? And is that the best action to take?