It’s not a bad thing if strong emotions are expressed during a difficult discussion: don’t try to close them down by offering reassurance or advice. Be a quiet companion to those in distress; if they cry or rage, or fall helplessly silent, stay present and validate what they feel. Useful phrases include: “It’s OK to feel like this”, “I’m sorry this is so upsetting” or “I’m glad you can talk about this with me”. I think this would be a incredibly useful book for anyone caring for a loved one who is dying. To be present with them, to have the difficult conversations that nobody wants to have but are necessary; if you’re in that situation, I think you’ll find this a compassionate and necessary book. Mannix believes that one of the most powerful tools for a tender conversation is silence. "It's just to shut up, get out of the way verbally and allow the person to feel those sorrowful or angry feelings and just be present." The feeling of wanting to fill the silence is well-intentioned, but it can be misguided. "It's incredible how much people want to help," said Mannix, "but oftentimes, the most valuable gift at a moment of crisis is silent companionship." This is one of those books about listening that should be in every school, workplace, every home. It will also give you the confidence in your newly found listening skills to approach friends, family, or even strangers and ask them the three little words that can make such a difference to a person's life: Are you alright? If you are left feeling unsettled by a conversation, remember to treat yourself kindly. Some people take five minutes to walk outdoors or to focus on their breathing. These “mindful moments” help us to recentre ourselves. Confidential debriefing with someone else can also be a helpful practice.

Actually, my contribution to them is my time, my listening, my kindness, my determination to not get in the way offering my own fixes that are not the right fixes for that person.” It’s OK to take comfort from talking to someone who has died Tried and tested approaches can help to smooth the way. Here are 10 useful tips from my experience as a psychotherapist and doctor, developed while working in some of the highest-stakes discussions – the tender conversations taking place as people face the end of life. These principles apply whether you are chatting in person, over the phone or during a video call. You can even use them in text message conversations. It is often really difficult to have ‘difficult’ (what Mannix beautifully terms ‘tender’) conversations. I think we all naturally want to be fixers so we often try to reassure the other person or say things that are far from helpful, leaving the other person feel unheard and often finding the situation they are in even more challenging. Mannix writes about the lost art of listening. How silence is not necessarily a bad thing and how to really hear what the other person is saying. When I started reading this, I was a few weeks into my current placement where I have been working with individuals with social and emotional mental health needs and adverse childhood experiences. I was so worried that I would say the wrong things to these people and cause further upset in their life that I didn't stop to think about what they might say to me and how my response could potentially have a similar effect. In ‘Listen: How to find the words for tender conversations’, Dr Kathryn Mannix suggests that while there is no single ‘right way’ to break unwelcome news, there are wrong ways, which are not just about the words we use. Instead of offering a script, Mannix uses stories – some from her own experiences, others fictional – to review and discuss some key principles and skills for those tasked with such difficult conversations.What’s the secret of communicating well? It turns out that it’s not so much what we say as how we behave, and the most important thing of all is the way we listen – really listen – to the other person. I waited quite a few months to follow up on my lecturer's recommendation as I'm not the best at reading anything that isn't an article I can reference in an assignment during term time, but I wish I had read it sooner and spent some time during the summer to reflect on it. And ‘conversations’ is a very important word here. This is not about ‘telling’ someone something, imposing your views, solving a problem … This is about bilateral conversations, between consenting persons – a verbal dance. This is a wonderfully practical book, well laid out and easy to read. The language is familiar and conversational, and the illustrations are a nice touch.

This gentle-hearted, engaging and intimately readable book is so full of wisdom and compassion. Everyone should read it’Nigella Lawson - There are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most? Respecting silence can be a challenge if there are several people in the conversation. You may need to be explicit, saying: “Let’s give each other time to think” or “I think we need a moment of quiet now”. Support, don’t ‘fix’

When it comes to listening, 'The Samaritans' could write a book about the subject. And along with Katie Colombus, this is exactly what the organisation has done here, in this super useful book on active listening full of tips and techniques. It will allow you to improve relationships with family, friends, and colleagues by developing your listening skill, resulting in more effective communication skills. Having previously read and reviewed Ms Mannix’s first book With the End in Mind I was very interested to read this book which focuses on the skills necessary to not only listen, but hear. It seems an obviously easy task, but Ms Mannix has illustrated not only the importance of really hearing what is being said, but able to communicate to the speaker that have you not only heard what is said, but understood what is being said and encouraging further discourse.

Her book is a brilliant reflection on how we humans connect. Priceless. You cannot buy this experience, and you cannot buy the results you can achieve by practising what she suggests. Listening is something I believe I'm good at - I've completed a basic counselling course, and still remember some of the basics. I like to try and pay attention when someone is talking, trying not to interrupt and to be active and ask questions. But after reading these books, I realise that listening skills are a tool that I need to continually sharpen, and I have a lot of learning to do, and definitely need to read a few more books on active listening.

For me – well-known as a person of (inadvertently) little tact, but generally good intentions – it was extremely useful, and I hope I can put many of her suggestions into practice. In particular: By asking curious questions during tender conversations we can seek, explore and clarify information. The range of situations and various voices used in the examples feel real. You see the difference that lifting the phone and calling the samaritans has made to people's lives. They are a reminder that no matter what you are going through, you are never alone.