Subpersonalities: The People Inside Us

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Personal weaknesses of which you are aware and on which you would like to work. Particular emphasis can be placed on the techniques you can use to overcome them. Record also any strong negative reactions you have to other people as they may clarify your own unrecognized and projected problems. One of the most useful instruments for long term self-development is a workbook, diary, or journal. We use the term ‘psychological workbook’ because many people tend to associate the word ‘diary’ with memories of adolescence in which often trivial and burdensome accounts were kept of one’s daily activities. There are many purposes for keeping a workbook of this sort. One of the most important is to help ourselves formulate our thoughts, feelings, and observations with greater clarity. And in the act of putting something on paper we tend to commit ourselves to a greater extent. We are taking a step beyond simply thinking or saying something when we make the effort to write it down. Also, in the process of thought clarification through writing, we are obliged to choose between alternate points of view, we are thus less likely to deceive ourselves by holding contradictory views without being aware of it. If there is a problem to be solved or an area of real confusion, we are better able to define it and thus take the first step towards its resolution. At first it may seem not true - you may be experiencing parts that really want to take it out on you. But in the course of work with the Internal Family Systems model, we manage to understand them. Usually at first they have no idea in what other way they could support you. That’s what they have been taught to act and they are convinced what they are doing is good. And once they begin to see that what they are doing is harmful, they suddenly start to want to change their behavior. Roberto Assagioli was the first to coin the term subpersonalities, however, he was inspired by William James’s concept of various selves and sees subpersonalities primary as normal psychological formations based on our social roles and functions.

a. What we believe ourselves to be: some images are based on inferiority or superiority (and others are based on a more or less realistic understanding of our development ). Assagioli is referring to the kind of synthesis we find in a healthy body, where the different parts – organs and cells of the body – co-operate intelligently to uphold the health of the whole body. Examples: “I should be competent – I must get this done well”, “I have to always be selfless and caring”, “I should be the best at this recital – I have to do well”. How To Free Yourself & Find Self Fulfillment Alternation, alliances and co-operation. Next comes the phase where we let the subpersonalities experience ‘an alternation of expressions in accordance with internal impulses and external circumstances. Alternation leads to alliances, to co-operation. And from a progressive co-operation we arrive at an organic synthesis’ (Assagioli, p.53). In the form which follows, the first phase of the exercise—the dis-identification—consists of three parts dealing with the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of awareness. This leads to the self-identification phase. Once some experience is gained with it, the exercise can be expanded or modified according to need, as will be indicated further on.Were different aspects predominant in the various circumstances of the day? What has been the relative activity of each? Keeping a workbook as a technique of self-development also functions in other ways. It gives us an opportunity to express in a harmless way any powerful and disruptive emotions we may have bottled up inside us. If we can learn to ‘let off steam’ through writing, we will have a useful means of discharging tensions, and of becoming aware of what underlies them. Writing is also a useful exercise for developing the faculties of concentration, attention, and control of the will. It may help a person who is somewhat shy, and reluctant to express himself in a face-to-face setting, to explore certain aspects of himself more freely. There are several differences. Firstly, the most important one is that in IFS we place special emphasis on establishing relationships with a given part. We consider every part not as a mechanism of functioning of our mind, but as an internal person with whom we can establish a deep and meaningful relationship. When the parts feel recognized and heard, they relax, unbend and stop behaving in such a very extreme or vulnerable way. Any ‘high’ or ‘deep’ experiences of peace, joy, love, expansion, awakening, etc., and their circumstances and effects. Self-awareness: we must first learn to find our centre, which is the consciousness of the ‘I’, the observer.

You can either consider these points during the review itself, or if this gets in your way, you can think about them at the end of the review. These points are meant to give you a choice of perspective, and need not all be covered, except for (1), which is fundamental. We suggest that, particularly at the beginning, you keep the exercise fairly simple, and give it no more than 15 minutes a day. This is a modification of ‘The Evening Review”. It consists of reviewing your day from the point of view of the three main personality aspects: your body, your feelings, and your mind. Key Expressions: “Can’t you ever do anything properly?”, “Why do you always do that?”, “That was stupid!”, “Should be…” Another point to note: This is not the truth. If parts of this concept do not resonate with you, take what you need and discard the rest. It is fair to say that we are all in constant relationship, and that we have a unique mode of being in every situation, depending on who we are surrounded by. Assume a physical attitude of serenity. Relax all muscular and nervous tension. Breathe slowly and rhythmically. Allow serenity to express itself on your face. It may help to visualize yourself with that expression.That being the case, the reader may feel free to skip over sections where previously discussed material is discussed — however, it is also true that Assagioli sometimes added nuances and details to previously presented material, so the reader may take care before skipping “too lightly!” It is recommended that you continue to do this exercise over a period of time. Its impact deepens with repeated use. You can either consider these points during the review exercise itself, or, if this gets in your way, you can think about them at the end of the review. These points are meant to give you a choice of perspective and need not all be covered. The main purpose is to get well acquainted with your subpersonalities. We suggest that particularly at the beginning you keep the exercise fairly simple, and give it no more than 15 minutes a day. The act of writing is also a great stimulus to the creative process. When we are trying to grapple with a problem, it is a common experience that in writing down a few thoughts on the question, other related thoughts begin to stream in through a process of association, and these ideas in turn open up new avenues of thought, new possibilities we may not have considered before. If we can learn to let our minds range freely in this manner, we will be truly amazed to discover the depth of the insights already within us — just waiting to be liberated. Speaking or writing from the ‘I’ (first-person), respond to the following questions and statements while embodying the subpersonality. (Watch out for any pesky interjections from default thinking habits). Questions:

This modification of “The Evening Review” consists of reviewing your day from the point of view of your subpersonalities. At this point it is valuable to make a deeper consideration of the stage of self-identification along the following lines: The mind, with its billions of neurons, is like a community made from smaller communities. The communities at the highest level (right under the level of wholeness) are something I like to call subpersonalities or inner voices… They are the competing aspects of ourselves, which try to govern the whole.” - Douglas Hofstadter self/Self. Assagioli had much more to say about the process of synthesis – and his various insights can be found in this book. Let me add only one final important insight. Assagioli stated that when the subpersonalities are assimilated, their structure will change; in other words, as the energies and qualities of the subpersonalities are incorporated, their concrete self-images and roles will change into more authentic representations of our self-identity. In this way, harmful self-images can be discarded, according to Assagioli (p. 61), ‘the complex is dissolved, and the energy contained in the complex is used’.

There are other ways to counteract the negative self-talk of our subpersonalities. These come with 1) being mindful of your thoughts, and 2) interrupting your thoughts with any of the following questions: If something uncomfortable for you has emerged, feel free to park it, knowing it will revisit only when you are ready. You are safe. Each part can present a whole spectrum of various behaviors and emotions. And it is amazing that when we look inside ourselves and start getting to know that internal family that lives in us, it suddenly turns out that these parts are like people, like some kind of family really, with whom we can try to get along and help it’s each member change their destructive behavior. There is much more to our parts than just the role they play. They tend to experience other emotions than just the most visible and predominant ones. When they see there’s a point to it, our parts are open to switching their role - they are often tired of what they do (e.g. the shy part may start to encourage us to go out more and meet new people).