True Secrets of Lesbian Desire: Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships

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Vansintejan J, Janssen J, Van De Vijver E, Vandevoorde J, Devroey D. The gay men sex studies: prevalence of sexual dysfunctions in Belgian HIV+ gay men. HIV/AIDS. 2013;5:89. https://doi.org/10.2147/HIV.S43962. Newbury R, Hayter M, Wylie KR, Riddell J. Sexual fantasy as a clinical intervention. Sex Relatsh Ther. 2012;27(4):358–71. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2012.733816. Downey JI, Friedman RC. Internalized homophobia in lesbian relationships. J Am Acad Psychoanal. 1995;23(3):435–47.

It is exciting to find an erotic poem where the speaker is a woman writing about her desire for another woman. However, more daring and directly erotic are the poems where Behn takes the role of the male libertine poet. In these poems Behn has no need for the trope of the hermaphrodite to negotiate same-sex desires, and although the poems appear heterosexual she writes persistently with a ‘male gaze on women.’[184] Moreover, it is in these poems that where we see Behn reflecting Judith Butler’s ‘performative’ position. When Behn takes on the persona of a man she articulates the instability of gender and as such argues against a heterosexist culture that assumes she should conform and identify herself as woman. Poems Upon Several Occasions with a Voyage to the Island of Love (1684) is a large collection of some forty-five pastoral poems, prefaced by nine poems by men, that Stapleton suggests: ‘provide Behn with a masculine escort if not an apology.’[185] In addition to Poems Upon Several Occasions Behn used the pastoral form in Miscellany Poems (1685), Lycidus or, The Lover in Fashion (1688) as well as in other collections and in her plays. Representative of an idyllic country lifestyle, some critics have suggested that Behn feminizes the pastoral form; for example, Heidi Laudien suggests that Behn used ‘a subversive form of the pastoral ….. “pastorelle” for its femocentrism.’[186] However, Jessica Munns argues that the pastoral: ‘was already a strongly feminized form’ and ‘for Behn as for other practitioners of the mode, its charm and utility lay in its traditions of gender ambiguity.’[187] The Golden Age that Behn, like others, calls upon in her pastoral poetry is a belief, shared by both classical and Christian cultures, of a time of human perfection when man lived a physically and morally perfect existence, in harmony with nature.[188] It was a TIME WHEN place where the land was fertile, crops were lavish, there was eternal peace and stability, people were perpetually young and life was simple. Additionally, as Judith Kegan Gardiner states: ‘[o]ne advantage of the pastoral is that it reformulates social class. Supposedly set in the lowest class of rural society [………] the pastoral masks the real class imbalances of the contemporary urban scene.’[189] For Behn working in the London theatre the opportunity to reformulate social class would have been important. The trade off for a woman like Behn entering the privileged London theatre scene was sexual respectability. Schmitt DP, Alcalay L, Allik J, Ault L, Austers I, Bennett KL, et al. Universal sex differences in the desire for sexual variety: tests from 52 nations, 6 continents, and 13 islands. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2003;85(1):85–104. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.1.85. Welling LL, Singh K, Puts DA, Jones BC, Burriss RP. Self-reported sexual desire in homosexual men and women predicts preferences for sexually dimorphic facial cues. Arch Sex Behav. 2013;42(5):785–91. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-012-0059-8. Carvalho J, Štulhofer A, Vieira AL, Jurin T. Hypersexuality and high sexual desire: exploring the structure of problematic sexuality. J Sex Med. 2015;12(6):1356–67. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12865.Behn describes these carpe diem poems as ‘pointless Darts’ aimed at women and as, in their stupidity, they boast about their many loves, their victory will be short-lived while Sylvia will be wise: Parsons JT, Kelly BC, Bimbi DS, DiMaria L, Wainberg ML, Morgenstern J. Explanations for the origins of sexual compulsivity among gay and bisexual men. Arch Sex Behav. 2008;37(5):817–26. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-007-9218-8. Peixoto MM, Nobre P. Prevalence of sexual problems and associated distress among lesbian and heterosexual women. J Sex Marital Ther. 2015;41(4):427–39. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2014.918066.

Bancroft J, Janssen E. The dual control model of male sexual response: a theoretical approach to centrally mediated erectile dysfunction. Neurosci Biobehav Rev. 2000;24(5):571–9. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0149-7634(00)00024-5.Early studies [ 89, 90] highlighted that gay men seem to engage more frequently in erotic fantasies than heterosexuals, both during masturbation and partnered sexual activity. Gay men seem to be principally triggered by visual stimuli and oriented to body parts rather than real partners. An Italian study partially confirmed these premises, recognizing a central role to physical, emotional, and relational elements in the imagery [ 91]. Gay men reported more fantasies concerning exploratory (e.g., having an orgy), intimate (e.g., romantic scenes), and impersonal sexual activities (e.g., sex with strangers) than heterosexual men. No difference was found in paraphilic-related fantasies [ 92]. Paine EA, Umberson D, Reczek C. Sex in midlife: women’s sexual experiences in lesbian and straight marriages. J Marriage Fam. 2019;81(1):7–23. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12508 This article shows important evidences on aging, sexuality and couple experiences in women. Matthews AK, Tartaro J, Hughes TL. A comparative study of lesbian and heterosexual women in committed relationships. J Lesbian Stud. 2002;7(1):101–14. https://doi.org/10.1300/J155v07n01_07.