Confrontation is not my style, even though obviously, my journalism has meant I’ve had to do confrontation and interviews. When this happened to me, I pretended not to remember anything because I knew the situation would be uncomfortable for my straight friend. In other words, I was trying to give him an escape route by pretending that I didn’t remember anything about that night (plausible deniability, if you will). If he thought that I didn’t remember anything about that night, then he could say the same thing and never have to mention it again. It certainly worked. We promoted two very well attended and respected nights; Pumpin’ Curls and then Kitty Lips. These clubs ran alongside Trade at Turnmills, as the little sister club. Laurence Malice was very supportive and helped open many doors for us.

This happens when we start crushing on men who can’t provide us with what we need (if that makes sense). The age of consent for same-sex sexual activity was 21, so at this time, I was effectively jail bait. My boyfriends faced prison if we were caught together. The absurd laws didn’t stop passion, or inhibit love, but it was far from agreeable. As someone who attended Pyramid religiously, I can confirm that it was both seminal and heaving. My heroic 90-minute nightbus journey home, followed by a half-hour stagger through sleeping suburbia, was always worth the pain of crawling into bed at dawn, covered in glitter, fag-ash and saliva. But also our straight mates are just as important in all of this and I’ve learned so much from them as well. I didn’t silo myself off, I just had a real eclectic mix of mates. A minority of the men I interviewed were homophobic and held prejudice against LGBTQ2+ people and this prejudice makes the thought of an LGBTQ2+ identity unappealing to them. However, the majority of the men, supported same-sex marriage and the right for same-sex couples to raise children.

He started talking about wishing he could hook up with women and was tired of the whole social distancing thing. In my own way, I revealed I was struggling with the same thing.

I decided to confide in a mutual straight friend (we’ll call him "Doug") because I felt like I needed to talk to somebody I trusted and who was familiar with Jeff. I thought I could trust Doug not say anything, and he didn’t for about 6 months. Then one day Doug and Jeff got into a heated argument, and Doug brought up what I had told him about Jeff. Doug did this just to be hurtful to Jeff, but of course it had serious implications for me as well. I don’t remember if any words were exchanged, but it was definitely on from that point. We only fooled around – mainly oral with him being the receiver. He tried to go for more, but he was too drunk to find any lube. Finally we passed out on a blanket on the floor. To confirm these interview findings, I analyzed one nationally representative survey called the National Survey of Family Growth. I looked at the responses of straight-identified men who reported consensual sex with at least two other men, compared to those who had not, on questions about LGBTQ2+ rights and masculinity. They were similar in their attitudes to other straight men. In other words, straight men who have sex with men are no more prejudiced than other straight men. Other men chose to have sex with men for reasons related to masculinity. Some men enjoyed receiving anal sex from other men because this act allowed them to experience pleasure, but without the pressure they felt when they had sex with women. For example, several men explained that they felt like they were expected to be in control when they had sex with women, but not with men. Several single men were lonely or wanted to experience human touch, but were unsure how to do so platonically in a way that felt masculine. Sex helped them connect with other men in a way that felt masculine to them, ironic as that may sound. My first job , everyone knew I was, but nothing was said. A Bellman, nice blonde,well built guy, ask me why I didn't go to the gym work out and get in better shape to defend myself. This was a straight guy, who was concerned about a fellow employee. Most of all, all gay guys do not have anal intercourse.I couldn’t tell you if your roomie is [closeted] gay, bi or simply curious. At the end of the day, it’s kind of a moot point because he’s obviously interested. You talk about gay life / society but here you are misunderstanding what being gay is actually about. The press / TV only show a very small, flamboyant, section of the gay world. The vast majority of gay men are indistinguishable from their straight counterparts, they do all the same sorts of things in their daily lives, except perhaps in bed. One does not need to enjoy anal intercourse to be gay, the vast majority never bother with it. I speak here as a predominately gay man who knows hundreds of others and their lifestyles.

The phone call lasted maybe an hour, but it seemed liken an eternity. We probably went over the details of that night at least 3 times. He would ask me to repeat certain parts (maybe to see if my story would change or not). He continued to maintain that he didn’t remember anything. I explained that I hadn’t brought it up because I knew it would be uncomfortable for him. I apologized for telling Doug about the situation, but I did try to explain my need to confide in someone about what happened. I told him how important our friendship was, and that I wanted to preserve it at all costs. He said that he needed some time to deal with the situation. Here's a brief follow-up to my story, including a mistake I made in the way I handled the situation.I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Why? Well, you were insanely drunk and so was he. Hopefully, you wouldn't have done anything with him were you sober, but since your inhibitions were lowered... Plus, he has an equal amount of responsibility in what happened. He might have been drunk as well, but it isn't like you told him to pull down his pants, and it wasn't like he was saying no - after all, he wanted to go even further than you let him. It's clear from your post that you have feelings for both males and females at this point. Perhaps experimentation would be the right way to sort out your feelings, and you should decide if you want to be gay, straight or bisexual even. You may never lose your attraction to both genders. One could argue that female DJs suffered less sexism in LGBT clubs than elsewhere, but lesbian raving really hit a peak when clubs such as Pumpin' Curls and Kitty Lips shook up London in the mid ‘90s. “We, Vikki Red and myself, were DJs first and foremost,” Queen Maxine tells DJ Mag. “Individually, we played to varying audiences over the world for many years.