I was f---ing terrified that I was going to like drop it," Moxley said of the child. "I don't know how to have a f---ing kid, you know? That wasn't in my plans. What do you do with it? You got to hold it? What if I drop it? Babies are terrifying." JON MOXLEY WOKE up hungover the morning of Oct. 31, 2021, in Des Moines, Iowa. He knew the feeling all too well. Moxley said he figured if he just told AEW to announce that he was out for personal reasons, the rumors would be worse than what was happening. He saw no reason to lie and felt a burden lifted when he told Paquette that AEW could say publicly that he was in rehab.

But, in Des Moines, he realized something had to give. He couldn't continue that way any longer. Moxley wanted to ensure he fulfilled that date, an Oct. 30 Iowa Street Fight match against Jimmy Jacobs, for his friend Sami Callihan's Wrestling Revolver promotion. Moxley's health was visibly evident when he returned. For the first time in his career, his abs were noticeable. Paquette said he looked 10 years younger. Khan said he was "in the best shape of his life." Kingston jokes that Moxley is too skinny now. I'll take this way over what I was going through before, especially the last several months [before rehab]," Moxley said. "I don't know. It all blurs together. I was in a living hell -- absolute hell." I told her, 'He has a baby girl now, he has you -- he has to get help right away,'" Kingston said. "That was it. It was nothing like, 'Oh, he has this wrestling thing coming up, maybe he should wait.' Nah, f--- that. Get him help now." ESPN Daily podcast When it's bad, it's bad -- you can't do anything," said Moxley. "The best way I can describe it is crushing physical anxiety. It's not like you have anything to be nervous about, but your hands are shaky and twitchy.Five months after leaving Desert Hope, Moxley will perform Sunday in the main event of Forbidden Door, a joint pay-per-view event in Chicago promoted by AEW and New Japan Pro-Wrestling. His opponent in the interim world championship match is Hiroshi Tanahashi, one of Japan's biggest wrestling stars. Moxley has taken inspiration from him and has been calling out for more than two years. Monday through Friday, host Pablo Torre brings you an inside look at the most interesting stories at ESPN, as told by the top reporters and insiders on the planet. Listen Khan said he was surprised when Paquette told him what was going on, but he was clear that AEW was behind Moxley and their family. Khan had to make "major" changes to his creative plans, but he said it was a small price to pay to get someone he considers a friend the help they need.

Some days I wake up and I feel good and I almost feel like I'm cheating," Moxley said. "I don't have to chug water or sit in a sauna or take a bunch of aspirin? I feel like I've got a cheat code. That's still kind of like a novelty for me." I was like, 'Holy s---, I've been waiting for you to get home so I can like pass the baby off to you so I can go and do my thing,'" Paquette said. "And he had to go to sleep because he wasn't feeling well, his body was sore." Two days later, Moxley called Paquette from a pay phone at the center. Paquette said everything was fine and that AEW fully supported him. Khan, though, wanted to know what the promotion should say about Moxley's absence. Moxley was scheduled for a match on AEW's upcoming television show and obviously would not be there. Feeling that way is untenable for anyone, but especially for one of AEW's top acts. He was expected to perform on television at least once per week, if not more. So, Moxley said he switched to beer, something with lower alcohol content, in an attempt to taper himself off. That didn't work, either. Paquette didn't know how to broach the topic of rehab with Moxley directly. Kingston, she said, was a good sounding board.That was when Paquette said she knew things had escalated with her husband's drinking to a no-longer-manageable degree. She talked to her father about the situation, then reached out to Kingston, AEW executive Megha Parekh and AEW president Tony Khan. Paquette said she mainly was met with surprise by those in AEW; few had noticed what was going on. Moxley wasn't exhibiting any significant warning signs, like getting into trouble while drunk or causing a commotion. At the treatment center, Moxley said his withdrawal symptoms, with the help of medication, got better within two days. Without his phone and with no television, Moxley attended group therapy, did a lot of reading and took walks. He compared the experience to being in high school, a mental hospital and jail. While passing out candy, Moxley dialed the Desert Hope Treatment Center. Within 15 minutes, he was in an Uber and shortly after he was at the facility -- a large, 148-bed compound 4 miles east of the Las Vegas Strip. They took his phone. No one knew except Paquette. For all I know, everybody is like just mad at you," Moxley said. "Fans are like 'Oh, that guy is a f--- up. What an opportunity he ruined, he's a loser.' And I'm fired and everybody hates me."

MOXLEY DIDN'T THINK much about his drinking until he tried to quit. He said he had been "f---ed up for the better part of 18 years," since his wrestling career began in 2004. It was social drinking, nothing he thought he had to worry about. Like many wrestlers, he said he liked hitting the bar after the show with the boys or having a few drinks on a plane to relax.

This new version of Moxley will go into Sunday against Tanahashi in a match born out of fate. Moxley had long taken inspiration from the Japanese star, as he'd become enamored with a match between Tanahashi and Minoru Suzuki in 2012. Moxley was heavily influenced by Tanahashi, a wrestling icon and eight-time IWGP heavyweight champion in Japan, due to his technical ability and signature flair inside the ring. Since leaving WWE, where he wrestled as Dean Ambrose, in 2019, Moxley has worked for both AEW and New Japan and has wanted to wrestle Tanahashi for so long that he thought it might never happen. Sunday's match will feel like a culmination of events, like everything has started falling into place for Moxley. But the journey hasn't been easy and is just beginning. Moxley, 36, described his alcohol addiction as a "living hell," something that seeped into every part of his life. He resented coming to work, grew terrified of being a father and was deeply afraid of losing his life in the ring.