Those “belonging cues” are all transformed in your brain to help “set the stage for meaningful engagement. For example, a coach of a hockey team at Quinnipiac university developed a team culture around “Forty for Forty” – a term they used for back-checking (which happens around 40 times per game). He is also the founder and CEO of Four Minute Books, a collection of over 1,000 free book summaries teaching readers 3 valuable lessons in just 4 minutes each.

That's why this summary of Our Iceberg is Melting - on the surface, a little story about penguins - is packed full of vital change management lessons.What Roshi does requires a critical understanding of what makes people tick, and what makes people tick isn’t always being nice to them.

They include proto-language – the language that was used before people started using words: eye contact, body language, mimicry, proximity, and vocal pitch, to name a few. This feeling is not rational, but it’s the connection those people developed with each other that made it possible for them to succeed. They also help us establish what’s known as a “vulnerability loop,” where team members signal vulnerability, others detect it, and they signal vulnerability too. Leadership – an organization’s leadership plays a central role in shaping its culture, and the behaviors and values a leader models profoundly impact the culture and how group members perceive it.

Aim for Candor; Avoid Brutal Honesty: “By aiming for candor—feedback that is smaller, more targeted, less personal, less judgmental, and equally impactful—it’s easier to maintain a sense of safety and belonging in the group. Fortunately, there’s a lot we can do as leaders to make sure our organizations succeed where others have failed in cultivating a positive culture. When I visited successful groups, I noticed that whenever they communicated anything about their purpose or their values, they were as subtle as a punch in the nose. Professor Alex Pentland at MIT’s media lab found that if he observed people’s body language, he could predict the outcomes of negotiations within five minutes of starting a session. Much like the mythical “work” of a romantic relationship or marriage, the author maintains that “Culture is a set of living relationships working toward a shared goal.

So he asked business school students and kindergartners to build such a structure, making it as tall as possible. Despite the major loss of earnings, Johnson and Johnson weathered the storm because they had a leader with an unbelievably clear sense of purpose and strong ethical duty. The second difference is that Set B would make you and the stranger feel closer to each other—around 24 percent closer than Set A, according to experimenters. Back-checking doesn’t really make a difference – but if it does, the coach spotlights it, this way connecting the group.Our social brains light up when they receive a steady accumulation of almost-invisible cues: We are close, we are safe, we share a future.