We also need, want, sometimes crave genuine intimacy and connection but don’t realize that in our quests to please, we’re living lies and hiding.

Goodreads Loading interface - Goodreads

What they also discover though is that a lot of the things that they were nervous about saying no to aren’t really that big of a deal. Just as Kondo promises to bring us joy by decluttering our homes, these books promote decluttering of a different kind – social, professional, psychological, existential – that, the authors tell us, will lead us to true fulfilment and freedom. People pleasing is us responding to anxiety about something, real or imagined, plus it’s our response to tension and hoarded anger from our unprocessed hurts and losses.Putting off speaking to a coworker about an issue with their work and then staying late or delaying your own work because you worry about hurting their feelings, being bad-mouthed to other team members, or looking incompetent. It’s no coincidence that I experienced tinnitus when I went through an extended period of pushing myself to attain, not realizing I was hurting myself by doing it for the wrong reasons and having little sense of my effort limits. On Your People Pleaser Entourage“What people discover when they start saying no is that they possibly have a people pleaser entourage, certain people in their life who benefit from them not saying no.

The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue | Stop people pleasing

For nearly two decades, she’s shared the journey of her transition from toxic relationships to love, care, trust and respect.Though these kinds of roles may have gained us attention and affection, they prohibited us from becoming our true selves. I was making so many promises that I couldn’t remember who I was letting down from one day to the next. Cohen says: “If you read the great poets of joy, like Rilke, they think of joy as something fleeting. Please do not take content without citation, and you need written permission to republish in full or to share more than a quote. I finally allowed myself to become a grown-up at twenty-eight, and again and again to the present day, and guess what?

The joy of saying no — and how to do it, according to a

All I’d set out to do was help at least *one* person avoid what I’d been through or to navigate their way out of an unhealthy situation. I’ve had stress-related illness or burnout or felt tipped over the edge into a temper that left me feeling ashamed. You need to unlearn being anxious about yourself and displeasing everyone so that you can access a far wider range of emotions and healthily take care of yourself and your relationships. Burnout is significantly on the rise, partly because we now have a word for something humans have long experienced, but also because the increasing demands of work and the difficulty of separating work from our home lives have put a huge amount of stress and fear on us about disobeying and getting into trouble.It took burning out after running a marathon, losing my father, turning forty, and experiencing perimenopause to go from being frustrated with my “failing” body to using tinnitus as a body signal to help me recognize where I need to listen to myself and say no. I work with clients who are deeply perplexed by how working with someone has unsettled them into uncharacteristic behavior or deep anxiety. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed.

The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue eBook | Perlego [PDF] The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue eBook | Perlego

When you treat and regard yourself as a worthwhile and valuable person, you have the confidence to be more you. I still get flattered when someone says they’d like me to be involved in their project, and I still find myself saying yes to things that I really shouldn’t.Here is a quick description and cover image of book The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want written by Natalie Lue which was published in January 10, 2023. Be aware of your intentions and motivations, including what you hope to get back or what you’re trying to control or avoid.