The positive switch is all about how couples positively interpret their negative events and their partner’s character, and whether in their minds on an everyday basis they maximize the positive and minimize the negative (in their partner and in their relationship).” Eight Dates is a book on marriage and relationships that gets you and your partner to read, think, and then go on a date together. The dates each have a theme and involve answering questions from the book to develop a greater understanding of each other, increase health and vitality in your relationship, and grow closer in the process. Topics covered in this book include:

The five most common subjects that couples fight about are money, sex, in-laws, alcohol or drug use, and parenting. Which is spot on, the root of our suffering. We imprison and repress our feelings and suppress them in Others. I think this book is an amazing way to date intentionally. One of my friends who I showed the book to said the book was just like couples therapy, which they were going through at the time with their partner. This book is going to be lengthy and deep like therapy - it takes weeks and months to finish the book together, and each of the 8 topics can be hours of conversation. My previous therapist was influenced by Gottman and it shows. Admittedly I am bitter about Gottman because of my experience with her. My previous therapist's client was not me, it was the relationship that I was in, even though she was not seeing us as a couple. She believed that the key to wellbeing was a heterosexual, long term, stable relationship and pushed me to stay in mine at all costs. After reading this book, I see where her perspective was influenced by.

In your childhood, how did your family honor the sacred, or did they not and how did that make you feel? Were they religious, and if so, how did they practice?” Der Input an sich ist an den meisten Stellen sicherlich sehr sinnvoll und richtig. Manchmal fühlte es sich aber ein bisschen von oben herab an und als ob die Herangehensweise der Autoren der einzig perfekte Weg wäre. Seltsam fand ich zum Beispiel, dass sie meinten, dass man nicht mit Menschen außerhalb der Beziehung über Probleme in der Beziehung sprechen soll. Das sehen wir nicht so und handhaben es auch anders. Have fun with this one, couples! The book actually suggests having these talks naked! Yep, you read that right — totally In THA NUDE. If you feel comfortable with that — go for it! What better way to be vulnerable and deepen your level of intimacy than by baring it all?! How are we similar and how are we different when it comes to trust and commitment? How can we accept these differences?” Readers who are interested in protecting and enhancing their marriage and partnership would likely enjoy Eight Dates. Who would not enjoy this book?

This is apparently the product of some smart, hard-working researchers who have spent an amazing amount of time studying relationships and romantic interactions in minute detail. They swear they can tell which relationships will last and which won't. The scientific formula? It depends on whether you usually speak positively or negatively about your partner. It's not hard to imagine that someone who constantly criticizes their partner is unlikely to have a happy, healthy long relationship with them. That hardly seemed to need the intense scientific scrutiny. Family - what do you consider to be your family? How will you maintain your relationship when you’re busy with kids if you intend to have some. More importantly, we realized that we’ll never stop learning about one another, and we look forward to sharing more about our family histories, spiritual beliefs, financial practices, and yes, sexual preferences.Then you should hire a curriculum expert (teacher) or project manager to create a schedule to properly scale the assignments leading up to the dates (that’s if one of you isn’t a teacher or pm). The secret ingredient to creating love worth for a lifetime is honoring each other’s dreams. And you can’t honor them if you don’t know them. That’s why the last day is all about them: the nature of yours and your partner’s deepest dreams. Don’t question them or belittle them; don’t even jump into practicalities: you can’t know the future or what’s possible. But you do know your present: you’re in love with the person dreaming this dream, and your job is to find ways to support both as much as you can. Final Notes As we made our way through the eight dates, we shared long-forgotten stories from our childhoods, rediscovered the power of rituals, revealed our fears about money and sex, debated how many kids we wanted, and shared our dreams. By the end, we agreed it made our relationship stronger. An early indicator of the future success of a marriage happens during pregnancy and the birth of a child. If a husband (the study only involved heterosexual couples) is involved during pregnancy and birth, the marriage will be happier later on. A father tends to stay involved with the children through the years if his marriage has low conflict and there is continued sex.

That said, even if your partner doesn’t want sex as much as you do (or vice versa), the Gottmans say that a way to keep the relationship spicy and passionate is to kiss… a lot. In fact, they tell couples to engage in a long, intimate 6-second kiss. “When you kiss passionately, you set off a chemical cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that release dopamine and increase oxytocin, both of which make you feel really good… in just 6 seconds you tell each other that you matter, and you choose each other all over again” (pg. 105). Play is a vital component of a relationship. Couples who play together, stay together. This includes experiencing laughter, excitement, anxiety, and curiosity, both separately and together. Think about all the times we’ve had sex. What are some of your favorites? What about that time made it your favorite?”Work and Money. Money issues aren’t about money. They’re about what money means to each partner in a relationship. Discovering what money means to both of you will go a long way in resolving the conflicts you may have around money. No matter what your beliefs (even if they differ from your partner’s), it’s important that you each understand and respect each other’s values and belief systems. After all, they are a very important component of what makes each of you, you. They said when couples are considering marriage, they are often so fond of each other that they assume the other person wants the same things in life as they do. Their optimism convinces them there’s no reason to talk explicitly about decisions like where to live or if they want children. Unfortunately, by the time they discover their incompatibility on some of these fundamental values, they’re already married. The Turn-Toward Date: This date is focused on building emotional connection and intimacy through understanding and responding to each other’s needs and emotions. The goal of this date is to help couples become more attuned to each other’s emotional states, and to learn how to respond to each other’s needs and emotions in a supportive and caring way. This date is designed to help couples build a deeper emotional connection and intimacy with each other, and to create a more supportive and loving relationship. To do this, couples can practice active listening and empathic responding, which involves listening attentively to each other’s emotions and needs and responding in a caring and supportive way. This can help couples build a deeper emotional connection and intimacy with each other, and can also help them feel more supported and understood by their partner.

Arguments about the unpaid work in a relationship (chores and childcare) tend to cause the most conflict. I loved that the authors also included small actions that can be immediately implimented. Kissing each other goodbye, finding small ways to show appreciation, committing to a dedicated time to be with each other each week, etc. Again, this is likely not new info for anyone who's read other relationship books but I still found it very well said and still found new takeaways in each chapter. It's strange to me that our culture supposedly values marriage and family but yet spends very little time teaching people on how to survive those things. That, despite challenges, love and joy are inevitable when there's evidence all around us that it is regularly a source of struggle and dissatisfaction in people's lives. The following are some suggested topics of discussion for this date, laid forth by the Gottmans in Eight Dates:As anything that really matters, a relationship is something that needs a lot of work to be put in. Happy endings never happen by chance, they happen because two people trust each other so much and are willing to do the work to build a life together, with its highs and lows. If you want a successful and joyful relationship, make room for play and adventure. Even though we have been hardwired to like games, we often put play last on our to-do lists. Use the sixth date to discover what adventure and play mean to you and your partner, sharing related stories from the past and asking each other questions such as “How do you think we could have more fun?” Make play a part of your daily lives together going forward. Date No. 7: Something to believe in – growth and spirituality Every strong relationship is a result of a never-ending conversation between partners. Eight Dates guides you through how to talk—and how to listen—in a way that will be beneficial for you as an individual and as a couple.